Decisions

Exactly 18 years ago, I was three months old.  I had my whole life to do everything perfect, but choice by choice, whether it be good is bad, has gotten me to today.  I can proudly say I've made bad decisions, but I've also made good ones.  I know I will make more bad decisions, and that's a part of life.  Everyone has to make decisions. 
  Last night, I made the decision to tell my ex that I was stupid for coming 1000 miles away from my home in thought that I could win him back.  It was awkward, I started crying.  I had to run to the bathroom to calm down.  But something really good came out if it.  We walked from a gas station to my hotel, just talking about his feeling and mine.  I told him a big secret that I haven't told anyone and probably won't ever tell anyone again.  But he helped me work through it, and now I can look at him as not my ex that I want back, but my best friend. My feelings for him weakened. I can now look at him without getting nervous, or getting butterflies in my stomach every time I hear his voice.  I won't promise him or anyone it will stay this way, but right now, I can be myself around him.  And that's all I've wanted for 2 years.
  So all this to say, make the bad decisions, because sometimes, it might be the best thing you've ever done.  It might turn out completely different than you expected.

Boyfriend, not boyfriend, exboyfriend, jerk

I leave tomorrow to go see him.  We have been planning this trip since November.  If I would have known he actually didn't care if we came, I would have never spent over $900 on it... So far.  The fact that Saturday night he told me he forgot we(my brother and I) were coming to see him.  He had a date the next day.  He told me he was really exited because he thinks this girl might be "the one." I'm not really sure if he knows that I feel very strong feelings for him.  He was telling me about how pretty she is, and she is athletic, and she and he run together.  They are just about the perfect couple.  His parents approve.  His buddies approve.  She is pretty much the perfect girl apparently.  But there is one problem.  She has no idea who he really is.  He has been through every girl and dropped her so fast she didn't even know anything was wrong.  I'm the only girl he has ever stayed friends with, and has made a point in our relationship to stay close to each other.
   Even if he does try to make me feel wanted by him, though, it makes me feel a little crazy.  Like, here I am, two days away from seeing the man of my dreams, and he forgot I was coming.  The only plus side of this trip is I get to see my cousin that I haven't seen in years.  She and her family and my group of people are going to SeaWorld the day we get there.  I get to meet her husband, and meet her kids.  I think she is more exited about it then I am, but thats okay. 
   And, oh! We had a shooting threat today.  The police said it was fake, but badly had time to investigate it, so all of us students are not really sure that's a reliable source. The "shooter said he was coming to our school tomorrow and gonna kill everyone." Oh how I love the south.  We beat your team at football and you get all butthurt about it. Be a good loser.  You don't see us going and shooting schools just because our cheer didn't win nationals last year!
  But anyways, I leave tomorrow. I'm almost there. Its only a few hours away. I think I can make it!

"I think we should break up, but that doesnt mean we cant be together in the future!"

The problem with your first heartbreak is its so hard to get over.  Its hard to get past a time where you spent every waking second either being with them, thinking of them or imagining your life together.  The main problem starts with you love saying,"I don't think its right..." And when he could just stop there, and leave the girl (or guy) with a clean break.  He has to go and ruin that with a,"right now." The first thing we think is okay, so maybe someday we can be together then?! Giving us who would jump in front of a killing machine  to save their lives, the tiniest sliver of hope.
That is my situation.  I fell in love with the sweetest, mist thoughtful guy, who loves his family, and is AMAZING with kids, and he broke up with me because he didn't believe our relationship could handle the stress of a long distance relationship when he went into the navy. Except the sliver of hope has been sliced open by him more than a hundred times in the past two years he has been in the military.  He often likes to chat on the phone about times we made out, and practically reliving the time we spent together.  Now, mind you, he and I are both Christians, and believe (I believe, him...not so much anymore) in abstinence before marriage, so we never went far.  But that is besides the point.  Why is wanting to move on so hard? You should just be able to get a boyfriend and get back in the swing of things.  Not get stuck on one guy, espeshally when he has moved on more than once.  And let's all he honest here, you may have had a boyfriend since your first love, but have you really gotten over him yet? If youre being completely honest, will you ever?